Clean

I just read my last blog entry. What a disaster. That's what a small dose of Ambien does to me. It apparently turns me into a cussing sailor and a complete random idiot. I didn't go to bed until 3:00 a.m. that night. Stupid daytime naps, they mess me up.

Happy New Year to everyone out there! 2007 was a so-so year. I'm hoping 2008 is better. In general, I don't like New Year's Eve because it's expensive and never lives up to the hype. This will likely be the last New Year's I spend without children or a pregnancy. What a weird thought. I'm having lots of champagne.

Ever since 2003, I always approach a new year with a bit of hesitancy. In 2002, I was married and I started law school. I had an awesome honeymoon. I got promoted at my job (right before I left, but still). I won a trip to St. Martin. 2002 was a great year. Then, 2003 happened. My dad entered the hospital on February 13, 2003 (the day before my birthday) and died on March 15, 2003. I'd been married less than a year. I was 25. Let me tell you, the death of a parent combined with the first year of law school puts the strain on even the tightest of relationships. It was a tough time.

My parents had just moved to coastal Alabama, where my father really wanted to live. After a very stress-filled life (much of it self-imposed), he died less than six months after he retired and reached his dream of moving back "home." He was 65. It will be five years ago this March that he died. For some reason, I thought about his death while I was in the shower this morning.

I remembered going in to have a moment with him right before we disconnected the ventilator. My dad had open heart surgery in February, sometime around the 17th. He had a brief rebound, but it quickly became evident that his heart problems were to0 extensive. There would be no miracle. Because I was in law school in Georgia, I really couldn't be by his side because I'd miss too much class. If you miss more than a certain number of days, you just have to start over. My dad didn't want that. "Stay in school," my dad insisted. So I did.

When it became clear his death was inevitable, my husband and I drove down to AL in March. I walked in to his ICU room and he looked so small. His muscles had atrophied. His legs were moving rapidly as if he were peddling an invisible bicycle. He was unconscious, and had been for some time. It was hell. I fled the room and sobbed. I was scared of him. Scared to go in that room and see how sick he was, how helpless we were. I felt truly, deeply bad for my mom and guilty that I hadn't been there for that past month. Guilty that we'd lied to him, telling him he would be fine. We didn't know how sick he was or that he had a heart defect. We didn't know.

When I went in to speak to my dad on the day he died, he was unconscious, as usual. His body was filled with a toxic stew as his kidneys had ceased to work. I said something like "I'm sorry. I'm sorry we didn't get more time to know each other." I might have told him "I love you," but I honestly don't remember. It was quick and I've blocked it out. Though unconscious, he started flailing violently when I spoke those words. I think he heard me. Did I scare him? Did he know he was going to die? That haunts me, with a sadness so raw and profound I feel like it's happening all over again as I type this.

Those last moments alone with him are what I remembered this morning in the shower. I was filled with an overwhelming sadness. I felt sick to my stomach. I haven't remembered that in so long. Why this morning, as a new year, a new page, is about to begin? Or is that precisely why? So I don't forget, so I take that with me into the new year?

I finished my shower and got out. I'm at work. I've had a productive morning, but the memory still haunts me.

I think it always will.

I'm up late

Up late tonight. This rarely happens. I'm typically in bed before midnight, even on a weekend night. We lead a very quiet life. But, I took a nap from 3-5 this afternoon and - surprise - I'm not tired. I took an Ambien. We'll see how it goes.

I'm really excited about our aforementioned Vegas vacay. In a way, Vegas is everything I hate about America, what with the excess, the commercialism, and the fake titties. But, Vegas is also everything I love about America, provided one doesn't take it too seriously. I think Vegas is pure kitsch and there is no other place on the planet quite like it. I missed going in 2007 for the first time in years, but I'm back for '08, bitches!

I do like to gamble. I admit that freely. Though technically a female, my friends have threated to take my girl-card away for refusing to shop when I had a really good run going at a blackjack table. "Keep your phones on," I said. "I'll call you later." Two hours later, I did call. What can I say, $500 is a healthy take for my low limits ass.

We'll be there for my 31st birthday. Yikes. I don't like that number. 31, you say? Shouldn't I have kids or something? I'm thinking one may be born when I'm 32. That sounds right. Or maybe 33. We'll see. The good news? I look better at 31 than I did at 21. Can we say "BOO" to beer binges in college that led to massive bloat and marathon midnight pizza eating?

I could always look better, however. We've got 47 days until we leave, so my current mantra is 7 lbs in 47. Sounds pretty reasonable, and 7 lbs will take me from "curvy, healthy" to "Dayuuummm." I think I'm going to work on that.

Oliver-cat says hi. He's been watching this entire post and he'd like everyone to know that Oliver "Tang-Tang" has approved this message.

47 Days...

I'm really excited today. I wanted to go somewhere fun for my birthday, and the hubby and I just got it figured out. We're headed to Vegas in 47 days! Got a decent deal on flights ($247) and a great room rate at MGM thanks to the fact that my husband gambles... and tends to lose. We're going over Valentine's Day weekend. I can't wait!

I feel better than I did yesterday

Why, pray tell, do I always get a cold in December? I need to be on my A-game in December. I have networking functions to attend, family to shop for, trees to decorate, and a boatload of work at the office. Perhaps I do tend to burn the candle at both ends. At any rate, I've been sick with a cold for four and a half days. I feel fairly close to human today, so that's an improvement.

Funny story from today. Swear to god this is true. I called my vet to ask if we can get a mild sedative for our car trip with Hell Kitten. She put me on hold to get my file, and the waiting music was... wait for it... THE THONG SONG. WTF? How does that even remotely qualify as professional?

Good news is that 2008 looks good from a travel standpoint. We're going to Costa Rica in May, and I just scored an awesome fare on a inter-country flight to take us from the capital to the Osa Peninsula. Very excited about my thriftiness.

Also, I think I've talked the Italian into using some FF miles to go for an off-season jaunt to St. John. Yeah! Looks like sometime in August - September. Yes, I like to live dangerously with hurricane season. Actually, I prefer the Caribbean in the off months. Warmer water, flatter water, better snorkeling, rates about 60% off and less drunken idiots to contend with. I've got to wait for our December FF miles to come through before I can book though. I hope availability for that timeframe stays good through the holidays.

PS - I just realized that the bit about the vet is worded really strangely, but I like it so I'm going to keep it. Let me re-phrase: I called the vet to get a sedative for Hell Kitten. Not for me or the Italian.

Liquid Gold

It's raining here. While in general this is a commonplace happening, where I live rain has become liquid gold. We're in a severe drought, so any rain is welcome, but the consistent soaking we're receiving now is just what the earth needs. Everything's thirsty.

Summer had it's last gasp this week. We had temps in the 70s earlier this week, but the cold front has arrived. I can't really be too mad about the cold, because it at least had the decency to bring the rain with it.

This might be my most boring blog post ever. I mean, a post about the weather? Still, it's so welcome and I'm happy.

I have a cold. A nasty, stuffy sinus infection. I don't feel bad otherwise, except for that thing attached to my neck. My cold plus the rain means its a perfect day to stay inside and make pretty jewelry. So that's what I'm doing.

Where there's a will...

People who know me know that I am stubborn as a mule. When I really want something, I will charge ahead like a person possessed. "Impossible" doesn't apply to things I really want.

I've always wanted to own a vacation home somewhere really fabulous. Realities have to be considered, however, and most places really "fabulous" have a high price tag. I refuse to accept that. Call me crazy, call me stupid, but I think many people miss the boat by always doing the conventional thing when it comes to real estate.

So, I've come to the realization that we're not going to be purchasing this fabulous vacation property anytime in the near future. Likely a few years out, maybe more. In the meantime, I plan on looking, researching, and looking some more. This will be a measured decision.

One thing I've realized is that it's hard to buy something already built that meets my specifications. On St. John, for example, the average villa runs about $1.1 million dollars. That's right - $1.1 million for a small, 2-bedroom house concrete house, maybe with a pool. MAYBE. Taxes are high, utility costs are high. Rental rates are soaring, lots are sitting on the market (over 225 for sale on a very small island), and people aren't building. 9 lots have sold this year, down from a high of 167 lots sold in 2003. Can you say oversaturation?

Anyway, I've started looking into some alternative building ideas. It's amazing what's out there. In the Caribbean, the concerns are hurricanes, earthquakes and water. However, there are some pre-fab homes that look pretty cool that have excellent track records when it comes to hurricanes and earthquakes. You still have to build the cistern to supply the water, but we're looking at building a very small home. Smaller home = smaller cistern.

I think what I really want to do is build an eco-friendly budget rental for those who have good taste, but maybe not a fat wallet. I've got my eyes on the couples market, maybe a couple with a small child. I plan on keeping costs down by eschewing the traditional trappings people fall into. My vacation home will have no granite, no fancy backsplash, no stainless steel appliances, no cherry cabinets, and alas, probably no pool. Maybe a hot tub at some point.

What will it have? Hopefully, a great location, killer view, a cozy cottage feel, privacy, air-conditioning, and a comfortable bed.

Here are a few options I've found. It will cost well less than $150K to build out the structure. Less if we do a bamboo option and decide to take on the task ourselves. That doesn't include any excavation or pouring the cistern, but I've got years to meet people and get that figured out.

http://www.bambootechnologies.com/homes/thaihale/thaihale.htm
http://www.deltechomes.com

Am I crazy? Is a treated wood structure in the Caribbean just a nightmare waiting to happen? The bamboo is very interesting, especially since it's used a lot in Japan, which is home to massive quakes and killer cyclones. If it stands up there...

I'm determined to figure out a way to make this happen, and a way that doesn't cost me $1.1 million. I mean, you can't possibly make any cash on the rental that way. Running it as a loss seems pointless. Thoughts from the peanut gallery?

I constantly remind myself of the now-famous speech by Professor Randy Pausch, when he talks about reaching your goals. He says that roadblocks are there for a reason. They're to weed out the people who don't want things badly enough. A lesson for real estate, and for almost anything else in life.

I called a T.O.

I did it. Something I almost never do. I left work today at 3:15 for no good reason. I said something about "working from home," but I promptly turned off my blackberry when I got home. Ok, I did check it once, just to be sure an emergency hadn't cropped up. That might get me fired. The laptop is still in its case though, so there.

I wasn't getting anything done in the office. I've reached a point of almost zero productivity, right when I need to be my most productive. I just needed a break, even if its just a few hours.

I think I'm going to take the whole night off. No jewelry, no law, no pressure to clean. Maybe get outside and take an evening walk with the Italian, cook some dinner, watch some TV and call it an early night.

I came home, took a 20 minute nap, then watched some Food Network while I ate crackers and hummus. I also learned something valuable this afternoon. Did you know cats like hummus? Here's Oliver, and apparently, he loves the stuff.



Who would've guessed?

Jewels and land and such

It's been a busy week. I'm a commercial real estate attorney by day, and December is traditionally our busiest month. The closings are coming fast and furiously. I see no stopping this train until mid-January. So be it.

The jewelry business is off to a banner start. My friend and I design all of the earrings and necklaces we create. We handle everything, from selection of the beads to purchasing the findings to pricing. We're busy and we're tired. But in a good way. We had our first show this past week, and sold about $1300 worth of jewelry. We've got another show coming up next weekend, and I hope that show will make us solvent. We made over 120 pieces in six short weeks. Not bad, eh?

I've complicated my life once again. I have a bug in my brain that I want to own property in the Caribbean. But not just anywhere, on St. John, arguably one of the toniest locations in all of the Caribbean. Decent lots are still available and prices are coming down. Sales are down. We can afford the land, we just can't afford to build a house. Concrete is a bloody fortune, and you can't get insurance (nor a loan) with a wood-frame house. You gotta have concrete, and you want concrete, the winds can huff and puff but they can't blow concrete down. The contractors know it, and building is now a fortune.

Is it worth it? We're going to wait and research for at least a year before buying. Would we be better served to save our cash, pay off our house here in the States early and just live the easy life? I guess that way we could afford to travel to STJ or some other Caribbean locale and rent a long-term apartment for several months out of the year. Maybe that's the way? Or is ownership the better investment long-term? The Caribbean is such a harsh climate. Between earthquakes, hurricanes, extreme sun, salt, humidity, heat and bugs... I've got to know: Am I crazy?

If so, just tell me. I can take it. Trust me.