I know what I said

I know I said I wouldn't be back for a while, but I lied. I do that sometimes. Yesterday I was a model of efficiency. This afternoon, I've been a big model of lazy.

There's a mystery woman who pees on the bathroom floor in my office building. I bet that got your attention. Thing is, I'm not lying. She's been caught in the act four times now. She's about 35 years old with long dyed black hair and an average build. Overall, she's very average and doesn't appear homeless. She doesn't work in our building (it's pretty small) and no one has any idea how she arrives, by car or on foot. Four times now, a different co-worker has walked in our eight stall bathroom and found this woman with her pants around her ankles in a full squat, either urinating or (once) defacating. What's your take: mental illness or drug addict?

All I know is this: someone who will squat and piss out in the open will cut me with a knife if confronted. I'm not going to fuck with her.

Switching gears, I've been pensive lately. I'm really trying hard at work to be positive and pro-active. Things are going okay, but in the end I'm not satisfied. I was reading a random blog this afternoon (see? lazy.) and the author is moving to Europe soon from the US. When she told her parents, her father needed to process the info and then told her he was glad she was moving, because she'd just been existing, not LIVING, where she was.

Those words hit like the proverbial thunderbolt. Why hadn't I thought of that before? That's exactly how I feel each day: going through the motions, with no excitement or variation mixed into my days. Since I live and work in the suburbs, my life feels very sterile and intentional. There's no possibility of going out for a walk and getting lost. There's also no true natural beauty in my environment. Now, I am not stupid enough to think the answer to my malaise lies in moving to Europe or some far flung place. I realize the grass is always greener. But I'm moving to the steadfast realization that the answer is also not where I am right now.